The holiday season comes with a lot of commotion. There are crowded calendars, packed parties, bright lights, loud music, and Instagram posts that make you feel like you must be missing out. We’re told, as the song goes, that Christmas is “the most wonderful time of the year.”
But what if we don’t feel so wonderful?
The reality is that the Hallmark version of the holiday season isn’t joyful for everyone. Sometimes it’s stressful. Sometimes it’s sad. Often, it’s prohibitively expensive, and frequently, it’s way overstimulating.
So, why not remake the holiday season in a way that makes sense for you and your family?
A quiet holiday season, even one that doesn’t include all the requisite trimmings, can have its own kind of joy.
Quiet doesn’t have to mean joyless
Choosing a quiet holiday doesn’t mean you’re missing out or giving up. It means you’re listening to your body, your nervous system, and your limits — and responding with care.
It might mean staying home instead of traveling, seeing one person instead of many, or keeping only a single tradition rather than a full schedule. It might mean more rest, fewer obligations, and less sensory overload.
While that may not look festive on social media, it can still be joyful.
Quiet doesn’t have to be performative
Holidays come with unmeetable expectations. We’re supposed to be grateful, cheerful, social and festive. For disabled people, those expectations often collide with realities like fatigue, pain, mobility barriers, or mental health challenges.
Choosing quiet can feel like going off script. You may worry about disappointing others or being misunderstood. But keep this in mind: You are not required to perform joy for anyone else.
Quiet does mean doing away with the “shoulds”
Many of us live with a critical voice in our heads that is constantly telling us what we should do. I should host. I should travel. I should stay longer. I should cook. I should enjoy this more. It can be hard to tell that voice it should go away. But practice this anyway. Instead of listening to the should, ask yourself these questions: What feels doable this year? What would help me feel calm or regulated? What do I want to do? And what can I let go?
Remember: you don’t have to decide what holidays will look like forever. You’re only deciding for this year.
Quiet holidays don’t need to be tradition-free
Instead, they can mean creating new traditions better suited to your life in the present. Perhaps you’d like to light a candle in the evenings, watch a favorite holiday movie, listen to music you enjoy or write about the year that’s passed and/or the one to come. These quiet traditions are at least as meaningful as the ones you may choose to bypass this season.
Quiet holidays do need to incorporate healthy boundaries
Saying “no” or “not this year” can be uncomfortable, especially with family members. You may feel some pressure to explain yourself. If so, try practicing these simple phrases: “I’m keeping things very low-key this year.” “I’m focusing on rest and health.” “I won’t be able to attend, but I’ll be thinking of you.”
Don’t feel obligated to share your diagnosis, your pain level, or your emotional capacity. Choosing quiet is an act of self-respect and self-love, not an act of selfishness.
Quiet can be just right
What does it take to make a quiet holiday season successful? Instead of asking “did I do enough?” ask yourself, “Did I take care of myself?” “Did I respect my limits?” “Did I allow myself to take a much-needed break?” If you can answer these questions in the affirmative, you can be assured that your holiday was just right for you!
