Happy Valentineâs Day! Today is the perfect day to remember that all human beings desire love and intimacy. Sadly, common misconceptions, stereotypes and ignorance can make dating more challenging for individuals with disabilities.
According to Dr. Danielle Sheypuk, a dating expert and disability activist specializing in dating for people with disabilities, âThe biggest stigmas are that weâre still seen as asexual and not beautiful. Our bodies are different than what people see on a daily basis, [so] itâs unknown territory for them. In the media, weâre never portrayed as sexual people. Weâre never associated with anything sexual or glamorous or beautiful. Therefore, people donât in general make that association.â
Stigmas about disabled people are reinforced by the fact that there is so little awareness and exposure to the experiences of disabled people. This is the case despite the fact that approximately 25% of Americans have some sort of disability.
Since non-disabled people have so little knowledge about what itâs like to live with a disability, they may shy away from pursuing a disabled partner, says Sheypuk.
Like so many singles in todayâs world, singles with disabilities frequently utilize dating apps to find love. But unlike their non-disabled counterparts, dating app users with disabilities face additional challenges. First and foremost, many struggle with the decision about whether to disclose their disability in their dating profiles. Some disabled dating app users report that disclosing their disability up front means that fewer prospective matches show interest. But not disclosing disability up front may result in rejection later on, which can be even more disappointing.
So, whatâs the best course of action?
In a Q&A on vantagemobility.com, Sheypuk says itâs best to make your disability known right from the start.
âI think [disclosure of your disability] needs to be written on your profile and there needs to be pictures that show you have a disability,â says Sheypuk, whose personal story can be found at https://wheelinsexyinthecity.wordpress.com/.
âIt avoids a lot of rejection and a lot of heartache, I feel. The opposite side of the argument is: Donât put it there and let them get to know you. Theyâll see you for who you are. [Then], youâll reveal you have a disability, and they wonât care. That is most likely not going to happen. Yes, they might get to know you and really have feelings for you, but when you reveal you have a disability, they could feel lied to. Itâs just like people being dishonest with their age, weight or marital status. Itâs just good to put who you are right up front.â
While thereâs no reason why disabled people should limit themselves to dating others with disabilities, dating sites geared to disabled singles eliminate the disclosure dilemma and may reduce some of the stress associated with online dating.
Here are some of the most reputable ones.
1. Whispers for You is one of the longest running dating sites for disabled singles. In 2016, the site was nominated for best niche dating site in the industryâs iDate awards ceremony. According to its website, Whispers for You enrolls hundreds of new members every week. Typical site users are people with disabilities such as cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, spina bifida, amputations and those with intellectual disabilities. The site is open to individuals of all abilities.
2. Founded by sisters Alexa and Jacqueline Child, Dateability is a brand-new dating app for people with disabilities. The sisters founded the platform after becoming frustrated with traditional dating apps. As Jacqueline told Channel 7 in Denver, âI had a lot of ableist experiences with people telling me that I shouldn’t have children in case my conditions were hereditary and people’s families not accepting me because of my health conditions,â said Jacqueline Child. Adds Alexa, âDating apps have been around for over a decade now, and theyâve had their time. Theyâve had the opportunity to be more inclusive of the disability and chronically ill communities, and they havenât.â
3. Dating4Disabled.com has been around since 2005. Â The site bills itself as an âonline community where people with disabilities can meet, connect and date other people with disabilities.â The site includes blogs, chats and forums, and itâs free to register.
4. My Special Match.com was started by the parents of a young woman with a brain injury that resulted in physical and intellectual disabilities. After she graduated from high school, Amanda had difficulty meeting friends and potential partners. Her parents founded the dating site to help their daughter and others in similar situations find a safe and comfortable place to meet each other.
5. Special Bridge.com is a family owned and operated community for individuals with mental and physical disabilities. Whether youâre seeking friendships or romance, Special Bridge provides opportunities for forming relationships at your own pace. As its website explains, âmeeting new people face-to-face can be intimidating for some people, [so] Special Bridge allows for online connections that can be made through the siteâs messaging system.â The messaging system makes it simpler for individuals who have trouble expressing themselves verbally to communicate with others. âThe beauty of Special Bridge is that technology helps to even the playing field, allowing users to feel less self-conscious about their ability levels.â
Happy Valentineâs Day to all!